CONSTANT BATTLES-anonymous post

[Megan EdwardsKeymaster]

Let me preface this by saying that I am also a BM and I have a more than ideal relationship with my ex and his wife. We’ve been divorced a long time, so we sit together at events and have parties together, etc. I am in constant contact with them about the kids on a day to day basis, as they are with me.

HOWEVER, on the other side with my husband’s ex, it is a CONSTANT, DAILY struggle. She hates us and cannot even exist in the room with us (please note SHE wanted out of their marriage and I came into the picture almost a year later). It’s always something… She has even gotten a restriction put into place that we are not allowed to text or call the kids at all while they are with her (she gave up the same right while they are with us as a means to get the Parenting Coordinator to set the restriction). We have 50/50 custody.

This week alone, she is sending my SS on a hunting trip with her boyfriend (who we have never even met)… and she is having a birthday party tomorrow for SD and told us we are not welcome to attend. Does anyone else find it insane that we will have to drive my daughter to my SD party tomorrow and DROP HER OFF? Absent an abusive past or something, I cannot even comprehend this. We have had joint birthdays for the kids since we got divorced on my end!

Anyway, I keep praying it will get better, but the problem is that the ex’s mother apparently cannot even be in the same room with her ex and his wife… and they got divorced about 30 years ago!!! So it gives me little hope for my step-kids that anything will ever change.

Any advice on how we should handle this? I have nothing to do with her now at all because when I have reached out to her about things regarding the kids, she has said she will only talk to my husband regarding their children… So I have given up trying to make things better. We did go have coffee once and I thought it went well, but when I sent her a follow up email thanking her for her time, she never responded…

Am I irrational to think that someone can grow and mature and realize that it’s best for their children for us all to get along? Are some people truly not capable of that? I’m so tired and I am so sad for my sweet husband who only wants to be the best dad he can be.

anon

[wendi_kyhParticipant]

Well, unfortunately — yes you can’t expect this person to suddenly mature and put the children first. She sounds like someone who likes the turmoil and also wants to get her own way.
And you’re in a weird place. I’m there myself. I would not recommend putting yourself in the middle, it’s a hard place. As much as you want to help, help by supporting your husband and talking about options. Do you need to try to mediate or have the PC (if he can) set rules that violating parenting time means make up time must be set. Or to mediate a more specific parenting plan.
Your husband needs to have professionals help him set boundaries. It doesn’t sound like the ex-wife will work with him.
There are a lot of women who want to help the family get along. But sometimes we women need to step back and let the couple work things out. Luckily you have one side where things work well, that gives you a break. (We have been in a constant custody battle for over 2 years, with only 2-3 months rest in between court visits and parenting coordinator crises.)
Good luck!

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